Transform Your Relationship Patterns & Embrace Self-Love Using Exaltation

One of the Fastest Ways to Transform Your Patterns

One of the fastest ways to transform your patterns is to take the parts of yourself you’ve rejected and use them for your benefit—to cultivate more self-love, improve romantic relationships, and step into your next level of life.

Understanding Your Shadow Patterns

As children, we learn to navigate life through relationships. We are constantly trying to figure out how to gain closeness or be loved through the relationships around us. The parts of ourselves that have been rejected become the parts of ourselves that we push away.

When you push away and reject aspects of yourself, you are practicing the opposite of love. To love something, you must embrace and feel connected to it. By pushing away parts of who you naturally are, you disconnect from yourself and prevent yourself from being fully seen, heard, valued, and understood. This could be viewed as self-hate.

How I Discovered My Own Shadow Traits

I grew up in a household where being opinionated, highly curious, and independent created a love-hate relationship with these aspects of myself.

My curiosity and constant need to ask questions and explore life allowed me to try different activities, read extensively, and become knowledgeable about an array of topics. I even got accepted into gifted programs at school.

From a young age, I remember diving deep into any book or magazine I could find—from Time Magazine and Vogue to the Encyclopedia. I always had a ton of questions about how life worked and never hesitated to express my thoughts, feelings, and observations—even when the adults around me had no answers to provide.

There was no doubt in my family that I was highly intelligent. However, being a highly intelligent child wasn’t necessarily valued at home.

Now, this wasn’t the fault of my parents. They had their own shadows and traits to embrace and work through. However, as a child looking to be fully accepted by those I loved most, this was challenging. I learned early on that I had to figure out how to communicate and be my natural self without causing frustration, stress, or annoyance to family members.

As a teenager, my thoughts, opinions, and emotional expression often caused disagreements with my parents. I wasn’t intentionally disrespectful or combative, but in the presence of one of my grandmothers, simply having an opposing opinion was viewed as disrespect—even when it was just a reflection of being an independent thinker.

My deep need to express myself and share my thoughts and opinions was met with being told I needed to be humble or that I was “too much,” “too opinionated.” My natural independence was met with more responsibility and expectations compared to my older siblings and other children.

The frustration and lack of validation led to a rebelliousness toward these parts of myself, which later manifested as patterns in my romantic, business, family, and personal relationships.

I learned that if I shared my thoughts and opinions, I would be seen as a threat or a “know-it-all.”

I molded myself to become emotionally, physically, and financially co-dependent so that I wouldn’t be perceived as too independent, dominant, or “strong.” This allowed me to shrink and relieve others of their expectations and the stress of having to achieve and be responsible.

I also learned to conform to social dynamics, especially among peers, by “dumbing myself down,” which eventually led to disconnecting from my love of learning and personal growth.

All of these parts of my authentic self developed what’s called shadow traits, which later reflected the Trophy Chaser Love Loop pattern.

However, one way I turned this around—and how you can also transform your patterns, cultivate more self-love, and align with the next-level version of yourself—is through a process called exaltation.

Once I focused on inner transformation using shadow work, hypnosis, visualization, and coaching, I was able to shift my subconscious beliefs and reframe the very traits I once saw as negative. Instead of rejecting them, I began to integrate and elevate these qualities, allowing them to work in my favor.

• My curiosity and love for learning became a driving force for personal development and launching businesses such as matchmaking, Captivating Courtship, and The Love Loft. These ventures allowed me to dive deeper into understanding myself and others while creating transformational solutions.

• My ability to express my thoughts and opinions became a strength, as I learned how to communicate my perspective in a way that created opportunities—writing books, public speaking, podcasting, and coaching—all of which now serve as sources of impact and income.

• My natural independence and sense of responsibility no longer felt like a burden of other people’s expectations. Instead, I embraced these traits through entrepreneurship, where I could establish boundaries and define my own success on my terms.

This shift—moving from self-rejection to self-acceptance and empowerment—was the foundation of my transformation. And at the heart of this transformation was exaltation, the process of elevating and embracing every aspect of yourself rather than suppressing or rejecting it.

So what exactly is exaltation, and how can it help you break free from limiting relationship patterns, cultivate self-love, and step into your highest self? Let’s explore.

Self-Love and Transforming Patterns through Exaltation

Exalting Aspects of Yourself in Spirituality

Exalting aspects of yourself in spirituality, also known as exaltation, is the process of elevating your consciousness, aligning with higher virtues, and fully embracing your highest self. It involves taking the parts of yourself that you have labeled as unlovable, flawed, or undesirable and shifting your perspective to see them as strengths rather than weaknesses. Instead of rejecting these aspects, you bring them into the light, understanding how they can serve your growth and transformation.

When you exalt an aspect of yourself, you change your relationship with it. Rather than feeling shame, guilt, or frustration toward certain traits or behaviors, you learn to accept them, work with them, and even use them to your advantage. This process is not about denying personal growth but about integrating all parts of yourself with love and awareness. By doing so, you heal the disconnect between who you think you should be and who you truly are, allowing you to step into a more authentic and empowered version of yourself.

This journey of exaltation can be deeply personal and transformative. It helps you embody your divine potential, cultivate self-compassion, and strengthen your inner peace. By honoring every part of yourself—both the light and the shadow—you create a powerful foundation for personal and spiritual evolution.

What are shadow traits and why you need self-love

The longest and most important relationship you will ever have will be the relationship with yourself. When we push parts of ourselves away we feel shame, guilt, and learn to compartmentalize who we are.

To love ourselves is to see, hear, value and honor by acting in the best interest of who we are. When we honor all aspects of ourselves we show love to ourselves. To love is to include all parts of you. So when you act in the best interest of your most worthy self you are acting out of self-love. 

However, when you are pushing aspects away, rejecting or abandoning yourself you are casting those traits into your shadows. You think that by hiding your true self you will be more loved, accepted and valued. Only, that isn’t true. What’s actually occurring is that you are molding yourself into a version of who you think you need to be, and attracting people and circumstances that align with the inauthentic version of who you are presenting.

This is not acting in the best interest of yourself, you are sending yourself the message that you are "wrong", bad, not good enough, and not loved. 

Having a self-concept that you are not good enough or that your authentic self is bad leads to shame, guilt, and a lack of self-control and discipline. 

You cannot release shame and embrace self-love without looking at the aspects of yourself that you've pushed away. That's only going to lead to more avoidance and self abandoning, and you cannot manage what you are hiding and running from.

Owning Shame with Your Relationship Patterns

Owning your shame is the first part to ending shame. By looking at your relationship patterns, which reflect how you navigate not only romantic but all aspects of relationships (family, friendships, business), you will be able to release shame, guilt and self-abandoning and embrace self love.

For example:

You like to keep things in order—double-checking plans, anticipating problems, ensuring everything runs smoothly. Control makes you feel safe. But deep down, you know it’s also exhausting.

Maybe past disappointments taught you that trust isn’t safe. So, you overanalyze texts, seek constant reassurance, or fear things slipping out of your hands. But does control truly bring security, or is it pushing love away?

What if you shifted from control to trusting yourself? Instead of reacting from fear, you pause and ask, Is this my intuition or an old wound? You listen to actions, not just words. You set boundaries that protect your heart without caging it.

And suddenly, love feels lighter. Trusting yourself allows space for connection, not control. Because the right love doesn’t need to be gripped—it grows when you let go.

The goal is not to overcome your shame or patterns but to embrace them. You cannot overcome parts of yourself, it’s simply who you are. Trying to overcome parts of yourself will result in being at war with yourself.

You can, however, embrace self-acceptance and self-love as a pathway to owning who you authentically are.

Self-Love and Transforming Patterns through Exaltation

Exalting Aspects of Yourself in Spirituality

Exalting aspects of yourself in spirituality, also known as exaltation, is the process of elevating your consciousness, aligning with higher virtues, and fully embracing your highest self. It involves taking the parts of yourself that you have labeled as unlovable, flawed, or undesirable and shifting your perspective to see them as strengths rather than weaknesses. Instead of rejecting these aspects, you bring them into the light, understanding how they can serve your growth and transformation.

When you exalt an aspect of yourself, you change your relationship with it.

• Rather than feeling shame, guilt, or frustration, you learn to accept them, work with them, and even use them to your advantage.

• This process is not about denying personal growth but about integrating all parts of yourself with love and awareness.

This process is not about denying personal growth but about integrating all parts of yourself with love and awareness. By doing so, you heal the disconnect between who you think you should be and who you truly are, allowing you to step into a more authentic and empowered version of yourself.

This journey of exaltation can be deeply personal and transformative. It helps you embody your divine potential, cultivate self-compassion, and strengthen your inner peace. By honoring every part of yourself—both the light and the shadow—you create a powerful foundation for personal and spiritual evolution.

Exaltation can be deeply personal and transformative. It helps you embody your divine potential, cultivate self-compassion, and strengthen your inner peace. By honoring every part of yourself—both the light and the shadow—you create a powerful foundation for personal and spiritual evolution.

Applying Exaltation to Relationships

Exaltation can also be applied to relationship patterns, helping you create healthier, more fulfilling connections in every area of your life—romantic relationships, friendships, business partnerships, and self-love. By recognizing and transforming the aspects of yourself that may have led to dysfunctional or limiting relationship patterns, you can elevate how you relate to others and yourself.

Exaltation can also be applied to relationship patterns, helping you create healthier, more fulfilling connections in every area of your life—romantic relationships, friendships, business partnerships, and self-love.

1. Romantic Relationships

Exaltation allows you to move beyond fear-based patterns such as insecurity, control, or avoidance. Instead of seeing past wounds as barriers, you can integrate them as lessons and sources of strength. By embracing your vulnerabilities and learning to trust, you can create deeper intimacy and attract healthier relationships that align with your highest self.

2. Friendships

When applied to friendships, exaltation helps you break free from toxic dynamics and develop connections based on mutual respect and authenticity. If you’ve struggled with people-pleasing or attracting unreliable friends, recognizing these patterns allows you to set better boundaries, cultivate self-worth, and surround yourself with relationships that nourish you.

3. Business & Professional Relationships

In business and professional settings, exaltation transforms self-doubt and imposter syndrome into confidence and leadership. Instead of shrinking or overcompensating, you learn to own your strengths, communicate effectively, and trust that your unique qualities add value to any team or collaboration.

4. Self-Love & Personal Growth

At the core of all relationships is your relationship with yourself. Exaltation in self-love means embracing your imperfections and seeing them as part of your growth journey. Instead of judging yourself harshly, you learn to appreciate your unique path, practice self-care, and honor your emotions without shame.

The Path to Exaltation

Every perceived flaw is just a dormant strength waiting to be elevated.

By shifting these qualities into tools for growth, deeper love, and relational wisdom, you become a higher version of yourself in love and life.

Practical Steps to Exaltation in Spirituality and Relationships

Exalting aspects of yourself is about stepping into your highest self, aligning with divine wisdom, and living in harmony with the universe. It’s not about perfection, but about practical steps that help you integrate these spiritual principles into daily life. Here’s how you can start:

1. Elevate Your Energy Daily

• Start your morning with intention: Take 5 minutes to breathe deeply, stretch, or set a positive tone for your day.

• Engage in energy-boosting activities: Try meditation, breathwork, listening to uplifting music, or grounding in nature.

• Align actions with values: Ask yourself, Is this choice in harmony with my highest self? If not, adjust accordingly.

2. Strengthen Your Spiritual Connection

• Create a simple prayer or meditation routine: Even 5-10 minutes daily deepens your connection with the Divine.

• Use affirmations or visualization: Speak words that uplift you and envision the life you want to align with.

• Listen to your intuition: Before making decisions, pause and ask, What feels most aligned with my inner wisdom?

3. Release What No Longer Serves You

• Reflect on limiting beliefs: Identify old patterns that no longer support your growth and choose new empowering beliefs.

• Let go through forgiveness: Write down emotions, resentments, or self-judgment and release them with intention.

• Cleanse your space and energy: Try smudging, taking a salt bath, or journaling to clear stagnant emotions.

4. Step Into Your Power

• Own your gifts and strengths: Make a list of what makes you unique and lean into it.

• Show up with confidence: Speak your truth, embrace your journey, and let your light shine.

• Give freely from love: Acts of kindness, whether toward yourself or others, raise your vibration.

5. Walk Your Path with Trust

• Let go of force, embrace flow: Trust that things unfold at the right time.

• Keep learning and growing: Read, listen, and engage in conversations that elevate your awareness.

• Surround yourself with high-vibrational people: Seek a community that supports your journey and values growth.

By implementing these steps in simple, daily ways, you’ll experience deeper self-awareness, stronger relationships, and greater alignment with your highest self. Which of these will you start with today?

Join the Next Live Workshop

If you are ready to break free from toxic relationship cycles, embrace your most authentic self, and transform your love life, join my next live workshop.

This workshop will give you:

• A step-by-step process to recognize and shift your shadow patterns

• Tools to cultivate self-love and break free from relationship loops

• Live coaching, interactive exercises, and transformational insights

Spaces are limited. Reserve your spot now.

Click here to sign up for the workshop